Screw You, Rich People

YAY OBAMA'S TAXING THE RICH!

I am so pleased with this. Finally all those ascot-wearing, monocle-polishing dickbags will have to pay their share. Tax them! Tax them up good! I love it! Already the whining has started in the New York Times--you know, "$250,000 sounds like a lot to mouth-breathers in the Midwest but here in NEW YORK and I hear also in CALIFORNIA (the New York of the West) it's really not very much money at all and rich people are just like you poor people because they also bought houses they couldn't afford and used their credit cards too much and it's not faaaaaaaiiiiiir."

SHUT UP SHUT UP! Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars a year is a hell of a lot of money. If you can't live on that you are an idiot and give it to me please. Okay, I grant that it's not enough money if you have major medical bills, since our horrible health insurance situation is capable of bankrupting the richiest rich. But wait, no, I take that back; if you make $250,000 a year you can afford good health insurance that actually pays for things, unlike my health insurance which takes $160 a month out of my paycheck and then makes me pay for my own annual Pap smear.

But I digress. I barely make fifty thousand dollars a year and I live quite comfortably. Granted, I live in Reno, but I could make it in the New York of the West too. I bet I could even live in the New York of the East*--I did it once, as an unpaid intern. I lived in a house for wayward women on the Upper West Side and I survived on rice and beans and bagels left over from Late Night writers' meetings. On my current salary, I bet I could afford to rent a studio in Queens and even go out to eat once a week. And you know what, New York Times? PEOPLE DO THAT EVERY DAY.

So all you two hundred and fifty thousandaires can go ahead and suck it. In these tough economic times.

*I should make it clear that I never want to live in Manhattan again. The buildings are too tall and it's too cold and the smell of roasting chestnuts makes me want to puke.

Hear Ye Hear Ye!

Hear ye hear ye! If you are a dummy who bought a house you couldn't afford, you are in LUCK! The bailout is on the way! Turn that frown upside down! I am sad I didn't get on the ball and sign up for an adjustable rate mortgage with no money down when I had the chance, for now I could be enjoying the benefits of not having to learn from my mistakes. That would have been fun for me, because LEARNING? UGH!

The These Tough Economic Times Team is proud to announce a new regular feature: Complete Breaks with Reality as Illustrated by the New York Times (When the Idiot Reno Deliverers Actually Manage to Get It to My House). Today's winner: the food section's piece about the rich people who have monthly tabs at restaurants. One rich lady said she ate out for lunch with the girls every day, and it wasn't very expensive at all--only $30-$40 each, since they just ate salads. FORTY DOLLARS FOR LUNCH. FOR SALAD LUNCH. I don't think I've ever spent $40 on lunch. In fact, I can't remember the last time I spent $40 on dinner. What's in a $40 salad? Is it composed entirely of foie gras and gold? How shameful...in THESE TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES!

Welcome!

My fellow Americans,

We are living in tough economic times. These times of ours? So tough (economically). Things are difficult for us now. Extravagance is OUT and frugality is IN, at least according to the delightful newspaper articles I've been reading about "Recessionistas". I'M A RECESSIONISTA I'M ONLY BUYING THE $300 PURSE INSTEAD OF THE $1000 PURSE HAYYYYYY!

These tough economic times are exactly like the Great Depression, except that maybe you have to buy a smaller flat screen TV than you were planning to, whereas in the Great Depression people had to eat potato soup every day.

We started this blog in order to help you make it through. Check in on us whenever you can for helpful tips on surviving...these tough economic times.

Courage,
The These Tough Economic Times Team