Economically alert reader Laura from Bakersfield wrote in to let us know she read a simply horrifying article in the Wall Street Journal. It said that there are fewer billionaires than there used to be. Now, at first I assumed that was because the economic climate was impacting their habitat and they were going extinct as a result. I pictured a sad Bill Gates swimming miles through the Arctic seas looking for an ice shelf sturdy enough to have his pups upon. Then that got me thinking about Planet Earth, and how now Disney has apparently turned it into a regular movie instead of the 10-hour BBC-produced David Attenborough-narrated documentary extravaganza that got me through the long winter of 2007-2008, and if Disney makes it all cutesy-poo and doesn't show great white sharks slingshotting seals through the air I am going to be most displeased.
Anyway, it turns out it's not that billionaires are dying off any faster than usual, it's that some of them have lost enough money to drop down to being merely hundred millionaires. Can you imagine? In fact, as of 2009, there are only 793 billionaires left in the whole world. It is unknown how many of them are breeding pairs producing viable offspring, and scientists have found that billionaire offspring tend to be inbred fucktards anyway. To make matters worse, the Bush administration had downgraded billionaires from their previous "endangered" status, to merely "threatened", and Obama shows no signs of re-listing them. OH TOUGH ECONOMIC TIMES, WILL YOU SHOW NO MERCY TO THOSE WHO LEAST DESERVE IT?
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