How To Fit In When Using Public Transportation: Hobo Slang Lesson 1

Let's face it. If this country keeps heading the direction we're in (experiencing slight inconveniences in our spending budgets) then we might as well just accept that it's a matter of months before we're all riding the fucking rails. And by that I mean "public transportation". What? You've never ridden a bus or subway before? What if the common folk spot you as an outsider and try to eat you?

Here's how to fit in: Hobo Slang! Hobo Slang has been passed on from the original old timey bums who hopped on trains to the modern dirty bum low class people who take public transportation and now on to you! Here are a few examples of hobo slang and how to use it. Pay attention or you'll look like a sweet back (someone only sampling hobo life)!

LESSON 1:

Bindle Stick: your polka dot bandanna full of belongings tied to a stick.
"Let me pull this single lima bean out of my bindle stick and split it with a knife so we can share it!"

Zook: an old worn out prostitute.
"Hi I'm a Zook! What's your name?"

Beagles: hot dogs
"Beagles! Beagles! I love Beagles!"

Chicken In The Clay: A chicken rolled in mud and then roasted.
"What the fuck do you mean I can't start a fire in the middle of the bus? I'm trying to cook a fucking chicken in the clay!"

The Big Burg: New York City
"Eyy This isn't-a how they-a make-a pizza in The Big Burg!"
Other hobo slang for New York City: Big Town (BE WARNED: Big Town is hobo slang for both New York AND Chicago so using Big Town in the above sentence could bring on a NY vs Chicago style pizza debate).

Clay On The Shuck: ears of corn rolled in clay and set out to roast
"Hey fellow passengers I'm making a Clay on the-wait why the fuck am I covering food with mud before I cook it?"

Dummy: A tramp that pretends to be deaf and dumb
"I can't pay the bus fare today. I'm Helen Keller! I mean I'm a dummy!"

Fag: a) a cigarette butt, b) a young hobo with homosexual tendencies
"Pardon me do you have a lighter? I think after this cigarette I'm going to attempt to have homosexual intercourse with that fag in the back of the subway"

Glomming The Grapevine: stealing clothes from a clothesline
"You wouldn't believe the deals at the Macy's sale this weekend! I felt like I was glommerganging the gloomerzang... oooh I can never get this hobo slang stuff right! Fuck it I'm getting a cab and putting it on my credit card! Hey how do you get off this thing? Conductor! Stop this bus immediately!"

Now go try those out and stay tuned for lesson 2!!!!