What do Kevin Bacon and the Royal Bank of Scotland have in common?

Lady Blogpants, below, has addressed some of the underlying causes of the dismaying drop in the billionaire population. Today’s arrest of Bernie Madoff highlights yet another factor, which is that some of them are getting a one-way ticket to the big house. Mr. Madoff, you remember, ran a Ponzi scheme that left him rich but cost his investors $65 billion. Let me say that again for full effect. $65 BILLION. The list of people from whom he stole, from grandmas in Florida retirement communities to Elie Wiesel, reveals what a morally bereft waste of organic compounds he is. He stole the life savings of a Nobel-Peace-Prize-winning Holocaust survivor AND 15.2 million from his charity, the Elie Wiesel Foundation for Humanity. That takes a special kind of asshole. I fail to see any reason whatsoever that this man should be allowed to live in human society, but a quick death at the hands of a vigilante squad seems too good for him, also. Justice will certainly not be served by him living out the remainder of his years at the expense of the American taxpayer in a cushy white-collar prison where he will enjoy amenities (health care, cable tv, air conditioning) that many completely innocent people in this country don’t get. How is it fair that Bernie Madoff gets air-conditioning when I don’t? Let me get this right. I'm the one who DIDN'T steal $65 billion, yet he will be lounging in comfort in his climate-controlled cell, flipping the bird to the summer heat, whilst I languish in the desert sun in a pool of my own sweat?

Here’s what he said to the judge in court. "I am actually grateful for this opportunity to publicly comment about my crimes, for which I am deeply sorry and ashamed," he said. Yes, after you’ve gotten caught is a great time to make a truly compelling apology. Your frantic dispersal of assets after the shit hit the fan showed us exactly how sorry you are. You know when would have been a more convincing time to publicly comment about your crimes? BEFORE you got caught. Maybe even a long time ago when you first started. Or maybe, just maybe, you could have realized beforehand that stealing money from Kevin Bacon and the Royal Bank of Scotland is morally and legally wrong and then NOT DONE IT. Oh, now I’m just talking nonsense.