Rethinking my Spending Habits

The old cheap treats I used to feed my dogs are made of unspecified animal byproducts held together by synthetic chemical preservatives. My dogs, M and Q, loved them. However, because I am filled with the overwhelming desire to fix that which is not broken, I decided they need to eat healthier. Enter Mr. Fancypants' Super Expensive All-Natural Organic Treats Made from Happy Cows Who Got to Watch Cable TV and Have Massages Every Other Day Before Being Painlessly Hugged to Death by Angels.

The dogs hate them. They spit them out and refused to take any more, despite my insistence that they should eat them since I paid a lot of money for them. These are dogs who love trash, rotting animal carcasses, and cat barf. The Q has been known to snack on Kleenex straight out of the box (bet you can't eat just one!), and just last week he ate half of a 3 foot tall stack of fancy paper napkins.*

Maybe I'll cut out the middle man and feed them dollar bills, I thought derisively. These stupid dogs don't know the value of money.

When I thought about it more, though, I realized that maybe it is I who could learn a lesson from my dogs. I'm trying to force them to eat expensive treats for silly health reasons, and they're trying to tell me that they're happier licking the cans in the recycling bin.

M: Did you SEE how much money she spent on those nasty treats?
Q: I know, right? Is she made of money? Does she not know about these tough economic times?
M: Remember last week when we got a whole block of fancy cheese because she was afraid of a little mold?
Q: That girl needs recessionista lessons. Did you know that several years ago, she had to use the bathroom in the backyard with me for a whole month because she couldn't afford a plumber to fix the drains?
M: I heard that was because she used her emergency house fund to buy a digital camera.
Q: Some people never learn.




*Are you wondering why I own a 3 foot tall stack of fancy paper napkins? It was an anonymous gift. One of the good parts about my crappy ghetto neighborhood is that as well as stealing things from me, sometimes people leave me things. Besides the napkins, I've also gotten a bag of grass seed (this may have been a comment about the sad state of my front yard), a washing machine, and a bag of frozen bagels.