MONEY SAVING TIPS!

So far in these tough economic times I think the thing that has bothered me most are the articles and stories on the news that provide MONEY SAVING TIPS! Then you read on and see these aren't really tips, but basic common sense things that if you didn't do already, then you're a fucking moron. Here are some actual suggestions I've read:

-"Make a monthly budget" - Really? You can do that? You mean I can look at how much money I'm bringing in, then determine how much I have per month to spend on certain things? OK I'll try it. Oops! Looks like I can't afford this fancy car or giant house after all. Someone bail me out please! FAAAART!!!!

-"Wait and buy things when they are on sale" Do most people just blindly buy things without looking if they might be on sale somewhere else? Or even stop and think that you don't need whatever it is right now and can wait and get it when it's cheaper?

-"Don't buy things you don't need". Oh you mean dipshit gadgets like iphones and fancy speakers and giant flat screen TVs that before you said were must-have items?

-"Cook dinner instead of going out every meal" - Wait you mean buying groceries and then cooking them yourself is cheaper than going out? You can do that? But then who's going to do the dishes? Oh.

-"Make your own coffee instead of going to Starbucks". You can make coffee at home?????? FUUUUUCK!!!!!!

-"Don't buy name brand versions of food" - You mean I don't have to spend $5.99 on this box of cereal with the bird on it? I can go to Trader Joe's and buy their knock off version (that's actually better for you) for $1.99?

If you don't already do the above things then I hope you become a bum. In fact I hope these tough economic times produce a whole new bum race made up of stupid people who have lost all their money because they didn't have common sense. Unlike the old bums who were crazy and you felt sorry for, with these new ones you can freely mock and throw things at them.

Soon: a post where I reveal some actual money saving tips that work.