YOU POOR BUSINESSMEN!

My goodness. I read a newspaper the other day and you would not believe how rough a time businessmen are having these days! Some of them are have become so depressed they have to go to support groups to talk about how they're sad that they have to find new jobs that are beneath them.

These guys are the biggest goddamn babies on the planet. You know they probably applied to maybe two jobs then when they didn't get them they fell backwards onto a fainting couch with their hands to their foreheads and moaned about how they can't find work. Then to be extra dramatic they went out and got whatever job would be the most extreme opposite of their high paid job, just for pity (and hopefully so they could also get on the news for more pity). "I WENT FROM RICH INVESTMENT BANKER TO A GUY WHO HAS TO SMELL HOMELESS MEN'S DOGS' ASSES ALL DAY LONG. EVEN THOUGH THAT ACTUALLY ISN'T A JOB. BUT LOOK AT WHAT I'VE BECOME THANKS TO THE ECONOMY COLLAPSING." Yup you have to be one extreme or the other huh? Because there are definitely no jobs in between being the CEO of a company or the guy who cleans the toilets. Or the most pathetic of all, wearing a sandwich board saying you're an out of work businessman looking for a job. And now you have to go meet up with other sad sacks to whine about it.

This is an insult to support groups for people who have real grievances and addictions where they really need to talk about it and get support from people who have been in their shoes. These groups for sad businessmen make me want to just start slapping people (businessmen specifically).

I would love to sit in on one of their sessions. One of them would talk about how he used to run a Real Estate office and now he has to wash gutters using his tears. Then they'd all nod their heads and tell him he's being strong and I'd break the mood with fake crying and mimicking whatever he said last (also I'd have my chair flipped around so I'm sitting in it 'cool guy style'). Then if they say I don't know what it feels like to be in their situation I'll tell them about how when I was in between jobs a few years ago and had rent to pay I moved boxes for $10 an hour. Or I could mention the countless other random shitty jobs I've done in between full time jobs since half the places I've worked for have gone out of business. I didn't whine about it like a little girl, I showed up, did what I needed to do, then went home and drank beer. Oh also I didn't spend money I didn't have so I didn't get $30,000 in credit card debt. Then before the businessmen have a chance to respond I'm going to walk over and grab all the donuts and leave while flipping them the bird.