So I went to Bank of America yesterday to deposit my rent check in my landlord's account. I don't have a Bank of America account, because I keep all my money at my credit union and in my secret piggybank. A manager-type lady was my banker for the day, and here is a rough transcription of our conversation. One of my responses may have only happened in my head, but let's not let my inability to express myself verbally get in the way of a good story.
Banker: So is this going in your account?
Me: No, it's going into my landlord's account. There's his deposit slip.
Banker: You should buy a house! This is a HUGE rent payment!
Me: A mortgage payment would be huger.
Banker: No it wouldn't!
Me: Yes it would. I've done the math.
Banker: Now's a great time to buy!
Me: I'm not sure that's true.
Banker: It is! You should talk to our mortgage people!
Me: Okay lady, let me lay it out for you. Housing prices are still way overinflated around here and a down payment would eat up all of my paltry savings, leaving me with no cushion whatsoever to save me if I lost my job or got sick. This was true when interest rates were low and everyone yelled BUY BUY BUY, and it's still true now. I don't plan on staying in Reno for the 30 years it would take for a house purchase to make any financial sense. I like renting my cute 3-bedroom house with a giant yard in a nice older neighborhood, where the handyman fixes things that break, and if I decide to up and move, I can. If you think I will trust any sales pitch by a banker in these tough economic times, you are more deluded than a Rock of Love contestant. And in conclusion, how about you just deposit my check and mind your own goddamn business.
Foiled again, vultures! I know you can smell my good credit score, steady income and lack of debt, but I regret to inform you I won't be using any of it to buy a house. I'll keep renting with it, in accordance with every single "should you rent or buy?" calculator I've ever tried. Maybe for the rest of my life. Or maybe I'll do something totally frivolous with it. Maybe I'll take it down to Puerto Vallarta and get it drunk. Maybe we'll get married. Maybe we'll buy a little fishing boat and ply the azure waves. Only time will tell.
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I don't know, Lady Blogpants, it does seem like bankers really do have our best interests at heart, especially in these tough economic times. I mean, just the other day that guy from AIG was talking about how his main priority was to keep his customers satisfied, and totally not to create fake things to sell to other banks and make a whole shit-pile of money before driving the world's financial institutions into ruin, at which point they take their profits and go play polo in Argentina for a few years. We're not fiddling in the proverbial ashes, we swear!
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